Rapid Transformation Therapy Testimony: What has changed
What is different after seven months of individual sessions and workshops at the White Raven Center?
In the months leading up to my participation in Rapid Transformation Therapy I had been through a series of traumatic events including five days in the hospital and two surgeries, having to make the decision to put down a beloved pet, the death of my mother, and the ending of a twelve year relationship. I felt cracked open, broken, defeated. It was a wake up call! Heal now or die.
Much of my life was spent in a fight or flight state of being. The constant activation of my sympathetic nervous system was wreaking havoc on my body. I developed allergies, chronic back pain, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I had chronic headaches, depression, stomach problems, thyroid issues, sleep apnea, and insomnia.
I learned to cope, at a very young age, by self-medicating with food, drugs, alcohol, spending money and amassing stuff, and like I noted before closing off my heart to not care. When I stopped using hard drugs many years ago, I sought out medical help for my symptoms.
Doctors prescribed antidepressants, nerve blockers, opiate pain medication, hypnotic sleep medication, anti-anxiety medication. They shot steroids into my back and elbows to manage the inflammation and pain. They offered surgical procedures, and more medication. I lost the ability to do things that I used to love to do.
I couldn’t hike or walk more than a could hundred yards without pain. I would go to work and come home and go to bed. I couldn’t sit up or stand for more than a few minutes without horrible pain, and forget taking the stairs or trying to exercise. I thought I was going to have a stroke or heart attack.
I had convinced myself that I was going to be unable to care for myself within a few years I would probably die. I began to have panic attacks when I would lay down to go to sleep as this fear became all pervasive. I lashed out at those I loved and blamed them for not taking care of me.
I think traditional counseling kept me going on a day to day basis, but it did not stop the constant activation of the fight or flight response. Then in December 2015 a series of unfortunate events rocked my world and woke me up to the fact I needed help. Laying in the hospital with a mangled finger and hand full of infection I came to an understanding that things needed to change for me. All I knew was that I could not keep living the way I was living or I would die. I did not know how to make the shifts or changes. But I got through it fumbling along as best I could until that day in May when I met up with Marianne at the conference.
After Rapid Transformation Therapy
In May 2016, I approached Marianne at a professional workshop we were both attending. I told her about the past five months and that I felt like a seed that was cracked open and sprouted but I did not know how to nurture the sprout and I feared I would not be successful on my own and this little seedling would die. She said she knew what would help. I was willing to try anything to improve things there was so much pain and grief. I made an appointment and begin this healing journey.
What is different-
I am healing… but what does that mean to someone outside of my experience- I asked my daughter what she sees she said, “You are more peaceful than I have ever known you to be. When you are not, you now have the tools to get back to you center and find your peace.” Others have remarked that they have noticed that I am calmer, more centered and grounded.
I experience this as an open heart, fullness, a knowing that I am okay… everything is okay. My thoughts are more focused and in the present moment. I feel safer in the world. This does not mean that I am not fearful. I do experience fear but it is different than in the past. I used to panic, clouded with an overwhelming fear that horrible unspeakable things were going to happen to me, or those I love. I would catastrophize, spinning stories in my head about the worst possible outcomes, some call it future tripping, I called it being realistic. I was paralyzed. This terror influenced decisions and directed the course of my life. The only way I knew to manage it was to not care, to close my heart and become hard. This has changed. I don’t feel that terror anymore. I feel love and loved. My heart is open and I can feel it.
After seven months of Rapid Transformation Therapy definite shifts have occurred physically. I am no longer taking any prescription medication. I am more active than I have been in years. I still have some pain but it is rarely at intolerable levels. My back better. I no longer experience panic attacks. Physically I am healing, I find this to be a slower process but it is happening.
I have experienced a shifting in my neurobiology. I understand on a very deep level now that it is through emoting with witness in a safe environment that the body rewires the brain. It is one thing to conceptualize this academically but to experience first hand –WOW!
A shift has also occurred in how I treat myself. I honor my physical self, my spiritual self, my social self and my mental self. I pay attention to the parts of me that were wounded kids and I give those parts of myself positive attention. One example of this is my name change. As long as I can remember I hated my given name. I remember as a kid trying to get my mom to call me something other than my given name. After my first session on the mat at WRC I made a commitment to that little kid inside of me to change my name and I followed through. In August 2016 my name change went through. I am now Roni Jay. I like it. It fits me.
I meditate now. I have found a community, in addition to WRC where my spiritual needs are being met. I have obtained my Reiki I certification and have returned to a spiritual path that I had strayed from many years ago. My spiritual practice takes priority in my life now.
I no longer feel the overwhelming urge to amass belongings and things. I had started carrying a “bug out bag” everywhere I went; it just kept getting heavier and heavier. I remember telling my therapist that the thought of getting rid of my things made me feel like I was going to float away into nothingness. That feeling is gone now. I feel grounded in and of myself. I no longer need belongings to anchor me. I realize a few weeks ago that I was no longer taking the bag with me when I would leave the house. I feel safe without it.
I am grateful. I am at peace. I speak my truth with discernment. I am happy. When I find old patterns reemerging I process and move that energy, I seek guidance from my higher self and my spiritual guides, I look to my White Raven Family to bear witness and hold space for me, and I give thanks for the abundance in my life.
Life is Good!
For this I am grateful!
Roni Jay
November 24, 2016
