Stormy Hunt, Anchorage, Alaska January, 2010
It has always seemed that nothing I did was ever quite good enough, just not up to par. I was never in my now. I was always ‘gonna be happy when’……
I felt just a bit not in sync with things. A little off beat. Often anxiety would churn in my stomach, having the feeling that something awful was going to happen. Any moment, fighting the urge to run home and hide. Don’t answer the phone. Expecting bad things. When bad things happened, I felt “yep there it is,” I knew it! I was always quick to blame others for my problems.
Just a list of Woe, Feeling Lost. As well as ill all the time.
I met Marianne in a dance class. We became friends, then one day she invited me to come visit White Raven Center. We talked about the workshops. I thought if it would help heal the pain in my shoulder. I had to try. So I attended a weekend workshop. Let me tell you: My life has been forever changed.
The first few hours at the first workshop I went to, I was kinda freaked out. All of a sudden the person on the floor that was processing, jumped up and was swinging a bat and chasing Floyd around the room. O! the violence, the rage! The rage that was being expressed! I was shocked! Terrified I backed against the wall and watched. Seriously thought about leaving. I didn’t. I stayed. The best decision of my life. Ever!
I was assured that each person processes differently. It turns out to be the truth! Each person’s process is not the same!
I took my turn laying down on the mat. After my turn, I felt filled with light! My heart! Ooh so happy. Then a few doubts started sneaking in. Then it was time for me to process again…..someone saw that I was ‘triggered’. They had me get on the mat again, put on the blindfold, and breathe. It was a good process. It also burned away any doubt that I thought I was having.
After the end of the first workshop, WOW, amazing. I felt wonderful. As if the colors around me where brighter! Stronger. All was well! The music more clear than ever.
I continue to attend workshops. My journey has been very difficult at times, yet oh so joyful other times. The Rewards! The Rewards are everything. I know what true happiness is. I know what true bliss is! Every day in my life, I see or feel something that makes my heart feel like it’s going to swell up so big with happiness that others will see it! My chest is all pumped up with pure happiness. Every day. It’s amazing. Such a wonderful way to live life! Breath it in! Smile so big it feels like my face will crack in two, the smile is impossible to cover!
I have rejoined life. Stepped right up! I don’t want to miss anything else!
Lessons I have learned? Stay in my Moment. Speak my truth. Keep my heart open. Oh yes, it’s OK to feel your feelings!! I can now speak my truth, without emotions taking over. It’s very nice to be able to speak my truth. My truth is from my heart.
My truth in this moment? My heart feels so very full! So very happy! Just thinking about the beauty of each persons process.
This work has changed my life! I now always hold myself responsible for me! I no longer blame everyone around for my drama, my own problems. Drama? In my life? Not any more! I am through with that! It is over. I choose to Live!!!