November, 2008 Jan

November, 2008
Jan

If you live all your life in a particular state, and have reason to think that everyone else does too, you may never realize that there’s a different way of being.

Just a year ago I could have easily reeled off a list of all the things going wrong with my life every day, but now I have to stop and think back, concentrate, to remember what they were: Feeling chased or pursued for no reason. Being unable to trust anyone, including myself. An almost frantic need to check behind closed doors, under the bed, behind the shower curtain. Trying to fall asleep on the edge of an anxiety attack, unable to draw a full breath. Outbursts of tears and/or anger triggered by the smallest, most unpredictable things. Meltdowns in the face of minor crises. A deep feeling of unworthiness for anything good that happened to come my way. A great difficulty forming healthy close connections with others.

After my first workshop at White Raven I noticed definite changes. I left feeling, for the first time in my life, light and relieved. That inner coil of tension had relaxed. I felt a little bit better about myself, had regained some of my self-confidence, and while I could still easily be triggered into tears or anger, I was much more aware when it happened, both of what caused it and of my own behavior.

Now, five or six workshops later, the changes I’ve experienced are nothing short of amazing if I do say so myself. I no longer feel the need to scour the house and check behind doors for a hid