Cheryl, Anchorage, Alaska May 2005

I have come to this earth to Know God
To Know God I must Know Myself
I must travel to the core of my Being
It is the only journey to take

I Choose in every moment
That which I create
And that which I was born with
It is up to Me to Balance…A heavy task it seems!
But I am never alone
And I am never powerless
Though I often imagine I am

So that’s what it is then,
A dance between Spirit and Mind
The body is the dance hall…
Isn’t it Divine!

I first visited the White Raven Center in April 2004. I had experienced a lifetime of feeling detached from family and most friends, and had a pretty low self-image. In the recent years before I went to the healing center, I began having anxiety attacks that would come on full force at the most inopportune times-and often without apparent reason. I could be in the middle of a conversation with a stranger and it would hit me-Bam!! Blood pressure would rise, sweat, dizzy, blurry vision. It became a common and dreadful experience. I had a variety of other symptoms that stemmed from the poor emotional/mental state that I was in. In short, I was quite a mess. I didn’t enjoy life. I dwelled on negative experiences from the past. I felt disliked, unloved, and unwanted and just knew that the world was out to get me. I would try to shake the storm brewing inside me by reading a lot of inspiring/self help type material, doing talk therapy (in secret because I was so ashamed of needing help), self medicating, and trying to fix everyone around me. I also set out to prove to the world that I was a brilliant, confident, wonder woman. I don’t think anyone bought it.

The first session I did is kind of a blur. I began the deep breathing to go into myself and my shadows, but I didn¹t have to go too far because they were leaking out the edges. I do remember doubting the process and feeling very strange going into it. After only one process I went home and gosh darn it, I still felt like crap! I could have quit but I felt like crap so much, that I didn¹t see any other alternative.

I have now been to six weekend workshops at the White Raven Center, and I’m a believer. It’s hard to even describe what I have experienced and witnessed during these sacred healing times. I have physically felt energy leaving my body as I’ve process old “stuff”. I am no longer triggered by other people and situations that would normally cause all my “stuff” to come bubbling up. Best of all, I think I’m an OK person now. Not Wonder Woman, but definitely beloved. I’ll close with a personal healing story that amazes me still.

The last process I did I went back to the original trauma of my life on this earth. It took me a long time to get to this place, but I was guided gently and lovingly by one of the facilitators. I found myself experiencing pain that I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know what it was about, or where I was (I was lying on a mat in the healing center, but my spirit had traveled to another place, and my mind was jumping back and forth). I felt physical pain all around my head and neck. My hands curled up into a ball and I kept telling the facilitator “my hands are being crushed.” It was very physically painful, and I was in an emotional state of fear. This went on for what seemed like forever, but was probably about 30-40minutes. Without thinking about it, or knowing where it came from, I blurted out “My mom didn¹t want me!” Then the pain stopped, the fear lifted, and I just felt an intense grief, which subsided over a few minutes.

When I returned home from the workshop I called my Mom to tell her what happened and to ask some questions. After assuring her that I know she loves me and I love her very much, I asked her the story of my birth. I knew that I was born premature and not breathing, but that was all. This is what she told me: I was born 5 lbs. 8 oz. I was immediately taken from my Mother as the doctors began working on me. I had tubes in my nose and down my throat. My hands were bound to keep me from pulling at the tubes. Without telling my Mother, I was taken to a hospital in another city. I was there for one week, alone, before my Mother was able to come get me. This was not the only trauma of my life, and probably not even the “worst”. It was something that my conscious mind wasn’t even aware of, could not remember-yet my body had carried the energy of it. This story illustrates several things. First, how powerful the process is and how real. Second, how we need to treat our children with the utmost love and respect from their very first moments on this earth. Third, how easily humans are hurt and yet we can be healed.